Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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