Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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