she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
