felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
