if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
