I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
