Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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