Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
