I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
