They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
