i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
