im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
