you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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