I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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