God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
