All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
