I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
