Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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