I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
