where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have feelings that need drinking.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
