Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need a beard to bite.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize