not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
