Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
