I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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