We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
