she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
