so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
