well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
