Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
