Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize