i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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