respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
