apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
