He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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