It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
