I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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