No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
