someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
