Can i not drive my cunt home
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
