I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize