Someone shit on the floor
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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