I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
