Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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