never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
