why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
