12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
