So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize