Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
