Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
