I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
