Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
