four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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