According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
