I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Houston, we have a blender
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
