I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
even my farts smell like vagina
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
