Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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