sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
