Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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