Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
