I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
