your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
