dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
