Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
