We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have already put on my inside pants.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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