There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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