3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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