Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
