I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have so many feelings about this burrito
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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