I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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