walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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