There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
