Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
