i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
