Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everclear isn't food dammit
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
