spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
