alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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