I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
