On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
