My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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