I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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