it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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