i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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