You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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