Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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