He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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