Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize