Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
