So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
