Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
