i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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