She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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