You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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