I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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