I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
