1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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