Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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