Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
