I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
