brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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