a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
