My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
