Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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