The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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