i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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