I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
