Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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