Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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