it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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