Nicole vs. Life
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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