so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
