You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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