i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize