Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk is not a location!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
